critique-on-critique

Project #1
Sense of Place
1/26/11

Major suggestions by other students were that the shots seemed disconnected, especially at the end. The text was very unnecessary and should be cut, as well as some of the longer takes which focus too much on unimportant details. More boxes could simply help convey the idea of moving. Watch for things like my hair being up then down in the car.
I agree with almost everything that was said, I was considering whether or not the text was necessary, but I felt there wasn't enough visual information given like what I wanted. The ending I think threw way too many ideas into it, so I might either cut or revise this. Definitely I will further edit the longer clips and drop some.
What I learned from this critique was that people understand more than I expected them to, so there's no need to overcompensate. I need to focus more on the ideas I"m trying to convey and build it up, not just in one or two scenes. I was actually surprised at how some people were able to understand my intent even though the finished product didn't quite turn out how I wanted.

Brief "script":



A Sense of Place

open: sunrise outside, cut to her inside car, dressed for work. Shot of workplace. Shot of her at desk grading.
next scene: Noon outside, shows her lying in bed. Cuts to her in comfy clothes eating cereal and watching cartoons. She holds a big stuffed animal.
Cuts to her washing dishes, scrubbing the counters. Cuts to close up of hands on bills. Looks at electric bill, turns off all the lights. Hanging up wet clothes. Cuts to her adjusting name badge and getting ready for work.
Cuts to old apartment floor, messy. Cuts to close up of her picking up a box, cut to same position of her dropping the box at her new apartment. She unpacks a load of stuffed animals. Cut to beach, overlapping mountains, fade out of two beaches, one on top one on bottom of east and west coast. Fade out.

Sense of Place

I had a really fun time making this first project, only it's pretty awkward editing footage of myself . . . I definitely feel like I could do a better job with it, the lighting was really difficult for me since I don't have much experience working with this and my video camera doesn't take low light well at all. I had it all pretty well planned out in my head, but when I was trying to edit it all together, it was harder for me to fit it all like how I'd pictured it. I hope that it'll make sense to everyone what I was intending to do. My idea was to show that I really have no sense of place, because I'm always in the midst of moving or changing. I feel almost like I'm pretending to be an adult, playing the role of teacher/ tutor, while at the same time still being a child. Basically I"m still stuck in adolescence while needing to pay bills and be on my own. I guess I was trying to show a sort of duality where I"m forced to act as an adult, move on, but I can't. I'm also stuck between two worlds, east and west, both from each coast in America and because of my mixed nationality. I just don't belong in any one place.
Wiki says that "The term sense of place has been defined and used in many different ways by many different people. To some, it is a characteristic that some geographic places have and some do not, while to others it is a feeling or perception held by people (not by the place itself). It is often used in relation to those characteristics that make a place special or unique, as well as to those that foster a sense of authentic human attachment and belonging." It seems that most people feel it has to do with a geographic location, but mostly what makes up who who are. Anything that makes us feel like we belong is our "place" but if we don't really know who we are or what makes us feel like we belong, then there is no real sense of place.

my "sense of place"

I might redo this after I finish making the video, I'm not quite sure.

The Never-Changing

Moving, stationary
Awe of mountains, power of ocean
East and West
In between
Adventurous and afraid
Bipolar tendencies
Forever stuck in adolescence
Moving in, moving out
Moving on
Thin line between two shores
Forever learning, never changing
Growing old